Lost in Development

Now I weigh 169 pounds.

It's sort of unbelievable. I asked the lady to check it again. I needed one pound to get under 50 pounds lost since a friend's barbecue in May, and turns out I worked so hard I lost 4 pounds, 6 ounces. Also part of it was my body sort of owed me a big one, and it gave me it.

So, here I am now, sitting on my friend's laptop once again, thinking how my life is so different. I cleaned my apartment today before coming here. I mean, I threw AMAZING AMOUNTS OF CRAP away. As I am looking through every single paper from my undergraduate career, I realize, I didn't know anything. I really didn't, and maybe I still don't. I had no perspective on what it's really like. Life never slows down. I guess I assumed it did. My half sister still doesn't know when my father's memorial get together will be, she said today, sometime in December. Whatever.

Meanwhile.... Last weekend I spent too much money out with a friend because I was upset and frustrated and sad and depressed. Anyway, not so much that I can't eat, but too much for somebody needs a computer to function... and currently doesn't own her own computer.

Anyway, I work with a little girl who I have definitely bonded with. Her family doesn't have anything. I happen to know this little girl loves barbies, but has never owned one of her very own, and with her family the way it is, this is not likely to change soon. So, I decided a few weeks ago to get her a barbie for Christmas, but I have no idea (how) I am going to slip it to her (I'll figure this out)...

It's sort of a tradition for my mom and I to go out black Friday, even to gawk at the crazy people. This black Friday I told my mom to make sure I didn't spend more then $20, but then, it happened. I'm going down the Target isle, and there it is. A huge barbie set with furniture and accessories and a barbie doll. It's $30, retails at $60, and of course, I had to have it for this girl. Then it's in my cart, and I feel guilty because I don't have the money. but I had this feeling that this was meant to be, and I was supposed to do this, because well, even if you don't have a lot, if there is someone that needs it, you give it.

Long story short, later on I'm cleaning, I open a piece of paper, and out falls 3 crisp $20 dollar bills. Out of nowhere.

Here I am, in the B section... maybe B for blahs, hoping if I give up wanting to get back to A... then it will happen, eventually.